The Family vs. The Bug
Player's card:
Jared = 22 year old brother
Tracy = 31 year old sister (married)
Rhaine = Tracy's daughter, age 4
David = Tracy's son, nearly 2
Big Luke = Jared's friend, Master's student of entomology
From: "Tracy A. Reichdan" <reichdan at gte dot net>
Subject: Jared Catches a Bug to Bring it to the Big Luke
Date: Wed, 21 Jul 1999 15:16:15 -0500
(Title by Rhaine Reichdan)
1:19p Chapter One: The Discovery
Rhaine comes running out of the play room screaming, "a bug in my pet net. It is huge with lots of legs. It is so scary. Mommy come get it please."
Mommy is busy playing backgammon and declines nicely. Rhaine returns, " That is okay, mommy. David is killing it."
Mommy returns to her game temporarily until crashing sounds permeate the house. She jumps out of her chair, runs to the play room just in time to see Rhaine and David scrambling as fast as they can trying to climb onto the book shelves. In the process, they have knocked toys out of the blue toy box and a majority of the books onto the floor. Rhaine is scaling the shelves. David still trying to get out of the toy box which he fell into from the desk. An infamous "wood bug" sits quietly in the corner of the room above the pet net.
Mommy quietly reassures the children that the bug will not jump on them and they can leave the room. David grabs his blanket and runs out to the couch. Rhaine whines that the bug will get her before she gets out, but eventually makes it to the door, gets her pillow and blanket, and follows her brother to the couch.
"Please, kill it, mommy!" She cries the entire time. Of course, mommy being only slightly more composed than Rhaine does the next best thing:
1:22p Chapter Two: A Call for Help
Mommy patiently calls 7-1-4-1-0-7-7 as she watches the bug to make sure that it doesn't go anywhere less desirable (like her bedroom which is conveniently across the hall).
"Jared, I will forever apologize to Janel, but I have a huge problem with a lot of legs. Please come help."
"Okay, let me find Luke. He will want to keep it. He was upset that he
didn't get to have Janel's spider."
1:27p Chapter Three: No Entomologist Here
Ring. Mommy, of course, is still standing in the hallway with bug spray on hand to make sure that the bug does NOT leave the play room.
"Yeah."
"Can't find Luke. I will have to catch it."
"I think that I have something for you to catch it in."
"Okay, see ya in a minute."
1:34p Chapter Four: Salvation Arrives?
Red car in driveway. (not mommy's ... This one is much prettier.)
"Hey kids." (Lots of greeting and excited children voices. They are thrilled that Uncle Jared has come to save them.) "Where is your bug?"
Mommy hands him an empty 'Bucket 'O Chalk' bucket and nice sealable lid (so that it won't escape).
"So, um, I hate bugs. Is this big?"
"Big and VERY fast. Lots of legs"
"Ohhh, yuck. Let me see him." While walking down the hallway, Jared shares a heartwarming story. "The other day, I found a cockroach in my room. I got some duct tape, caught him, and then sealed him in hot glue. I took off the tape and them covered the other side. Luke wasn't very happy, though, because he couldn't tell what kind he was because of all of the glue."
Mommy was thinking at this point, "Maybe I should have called someone else. I don't need hot glue all over the house. I already can't keep up with the cleaning."
Jared takes a quick look and asks for a mop or a broom and duct tape. Mommy had to announce that the mop did have a new head on it and please try not to mutilate it in any way. Jared proceeded to cover the mop head in duct tape ... sticky side out. They walk into the play room and survey the situation. The bug is still there. By no miracle has it disappeared.
Jared swipes all of the things off of the desk with the mop handle. Then stands back to survey the surroundings. He announces that this could get messy because fear could take over at any time. When this happens, no one can tell what exactly will occur.
David waltzes into the room. "Where da bug?"
Jared "David, go kill that bug!"
"K, get the bug." Jared redirects David's attention before he actually
decides to climb onto the desk and get the bug.
Jared "Oh, I hate bugs!"
1:44p Chapter Five: The Race Starts
After much preparation, there is not much else to do except to get rid of the intruder. Jared gets on the desk. Mop poised. Children and mother huddled in the hallway. BOOM! DIRECT HIT! The bug is caught!
Rhaine "Is he gone? You got him!"
David "Where dat bug doe?"
Mommy "Is he squished?" She was, of course, more concerned about the freshly painted walls.
Jared slowly pulls the mop off of the wall. The bug bolts. It jumps off of the tape and back onto the wall. The race begins. The bug takes off running. Mop repeatedly hits the wall. boom, boom, boom Got it. Not got it. Got it. Not got it. When will it end? Bug falls off the wall, but where?
Jared pulls the mop off of the wall, and everyone surveys. How did it do that? That was industrial duct tape. Everything sticks to it! Remaining on the tape are four VERY LONG legs. Freedom is important to this bug.
1:45p Chapter Six: Hide and Seek - Bug Style
Mommy all of the sudden realizes that this would be the funniest video ever made. Maybe we could win the grand prize! She runs out of the room, into the living room, scrambles frantically to get the cam corder, runs back to the safety of the hallway, and the recorder won't open. She can't put the tape in.
Jared lays belly side down on the table and pushes objects out of the way. (Mind you, at this time, this once clean room of about 30 minutes ago is very messy. Books off of the shelves, toys strewn about, desk objects all over the room....)
He mutters, "I hate this. Gosh, Luke, why do you have to want to see these things? This would be MUCH easier if I could just kill it!"
Cam corder still won't open.
Mommy "I think that it is in that blue toy box."
Jared "Ohhhh!"
Toy box dumped over. One toy at a time is thrown out by the end of the mop. Bug found. It makes a run for it. Quickly, Jared turns the mop over and tries to get it on the tape. It is running faster and faster.
Jared "Oh no, it is behind the keyboard." The keyboard is located beside the door. Children and mother slink further away from the doorway. David wants to stay and help, but mom won't let him. The bug is almost as big as he is!
Cam corder still won't open.
Jared is very smart. He uses the handle of the mop to push the end of the keyboard by the door first. The bug turns around and heads back into the heart of room.
Rhaine "There it is! There it is!" She is turning blonder from fright with every passing second.
Jab, jab, jab. Missed it! It is hiding in the big Lego blocks. Oh, will it ever end?
Cam corder still won't open.
From the top of the table, Jared tries to pull the blocks out from under the table unsuccessfully. He will have to descend to never never land. Blocks move. Bug runs. Jared jumps. Rhaine screeches. David laughs. Mommy can't get the cam corder to open. Boom, boom, boom!
"I got him! I got him! I got him!" Jared triumphantly holds the bug in the air stuck to the tape on the mop. Congratulations and smiles overtake the situation. "Here, Rhaine, want to see?" Rhaine looks like she is going to cry as she backs away.
David "I want dat bug!"
Cam corder never opened. No record for our posterity. No million dollar
winner. Poverty still rules the Reichan household.
1:53p Chapter Seven: Triumphant
Jared puts the bug ... tape and all ... into the bucket, seals it, and carries it out to the living room. He sits it on the back of the couch while putting on his shoes. Rhaine picks up the bucket and shoves it at Jared as if to remind him that he is now the proud owner of this pet.
Rhaine and David "Please don't leave, Jared! We want you to stay and play with us." (The quiet time hour has descended on the Reichdan home. All children know that as soon as Jared leaves, they will have to participate in this dreaded activity that mother so enjoys.)
"I have to go. You don't want me to stay anyway because if I don't go, then the bug won't go, either."
Wheels turn in Rhaine's head. She decided that she wants him to stay ... bug and all. David wants to go with Jared and the bug.
2:16p Chapter Eight: Mystery Solved
Jared calls to inform the Reichdan family that their newest and most favorite entomologist has given "wood bug" a name. He is a transient caterpillar. They are just passing through. The only way to really get rid of them is to cut down all of the bushes around the immediate edges of the home. Mommy has decided on something a little more reasonable and lethal. Her most wonderful husband "Daddy" will be spending his weekend purchasing bug killer and spraying it around the edges of their brick home to prevent other volumes of the this story in the future.
THE END
